“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” Psalm 51:3 NIV
To know one’s transgressions is a great gift. That is, to understand them, acknowledge them, see how pervasive they are and the reasons for them. I transgress in many ways, for many reasons. The Law makes clear just how pervasive my transgressions are.
But even without the Law, I transgress the will and purpose of God. I fail to acknowledge my dependence on Him and fail regularly in the gratitude department. I tune Him out, listen episodically and go my own way, in the delusions and imaginations of my own heart. I am full of self-righteousness and pride, neither of which honor Him or are appropriate behavior for me, a perpetual sinner.
To have half a chance of living well, I need to wake up, to see the world as it is, to see myself in all my imperfections, to get a glimpse of the GRACE of God that keeps me alive and gives me a future HOPE.
To know my transgressions is to wake up. It’s a discomforting thing to do, especially as I realize that ‘my sin is always before me’, spread out on the ground beneath my feet like a vast and ugly picnic!
The progression(s) in Psalm 51 are noteworthy. Verses 3-6 are the awakening to sin and progressive acknowledgement of its offensiveness to the Lord. Verses 7-12 are the progression back to usefulness through repentance and restoration. Verses 13-17 are the commitments to a renewed way of living, summed up in a broken and contrite spirit.
Judging by my conscience and wandering accusations of the heart/devil, my transgressions include lots of foolish mistakes made out of pride, greed and the like. Cf. the root of David’s transgression with Bathsheba, namely lust and coveting another man’s wife. It’s not enough to know and repent, one also needs a renewal to be free of the accusing voices. I am all too aware of the consequences of my mistakes and failures stemming from greed, pride and a haughty spirit. I call them mistakes, but it’s probably better to call them sins if only to make the appeal to God’s mercy more meaningful. The prayer to blot out, wash away and cleanse is necessary for everything from the past that troubles me, whether I see them as mistakes or as transgressions against the Law.
This opens a line of reasoning that sees all ‘mistakes’ and failures as transgressions. In a perfect world, my life would have turned out differently. I would not have made the career and personal financial mistakes that I did, and in that sense these are ‘sins’ as much as a willful violation of one of the Ten Commandments. Thus, His mercy can lead to a heart purified of the painful memory and regret for past mistakes, to a renewal of a steadfast, willing spirit by which to live in the present and future, and to a restored joy in His salvation.
Whenever your heart (or the devil) accuses you, remember his mercy and unfailing love and great compassion. Yes, I know my transgressions all too well, and I never seem to be free of them. But this Psalm 51 promises freedom.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”
Psalm 51:1-17 NIV